#2 - Pole Dancing Class in CT - May 1

In April 1979, I was a grill cook at the McDonald's in Smithfield, RI. I was actually a 'certified' McDonald's grill cook which meant I had been tested and interviewed on all things grill and could train others to be as great. Working as the smiling, cheerful greeter and cashier was Susan B. and on a particular day that spring of '79, I decided to say hi to her and a friendship was instantly born.

Sue and I were very similar – both worked at McDs, both started at Rhode Island College, both drove Scamps, and we were both a bit shy with a certain level of untapped reserve. For some reason, when we got together, the reserve was uncorked and you might as well have been adding a little baking soda to a cup full of vinegar. We erupted...

During the course of many years, we both married Daves, both moved out of RI, both had two children (she had two boys, I had two girls and our two oldest will graduate high school this year), and we both lost touch. Once she moved to CT from NH, I called her on her birthday a few years back and we picked it right up again. Now we try to plan a few eruptions throughout the year.

When I announced my 50x50, Baking Soda thought hard to see what she could get Vinegar to do. I reminded her that this was not a triple-dog-dare kind of event but rather like step-outside-your-comfort-zone and have a new experience with an old friend. So, inspired by a Teri Hatcher visit to Oprah, Sue suggested (keep an open mind till the end) that we take a Pole Dancing class. I said yes immediately (after saying no to her first suggestion).

Filled with buyers remorse, we searched the internet and called the studio for information and to make comparisons about ourselves vs other potential clients. We decided that we were at least in the bottom section of the upper half. Deep breath, let's do it.

Sue drove us from bucolic Colchester to seedy downtown Hartford. Inside 'Pole Control', we had to fill out forms with personal info and a contact person – in case of injury. We were hesitant to give addresses and phone numbers because we still felt that we were in the midst of a drug deal or signing up to work the nearest corner. Why did this feel so dirty?

Amy took us into the studio and got us warmed up. It was only Sue and I as two other young women who arrived without an appointment were sent away. We have yet to figure this out. Amy had us rotate our necks and stretch our backs and legs to help prevent injury. The studio had a wall of mirrors and several, perhaps 9, poles throughout the room. We picked the 2 in the back, of course.

Ashley, a certified pole instructor, came in and suggested we remove our flip flops. We did not bring our stilettos which meant we had to stand on our toes the entire time. This, in and of itself, was a workout that took great efforts to maintain. Standing on your toes allows your walk to be sexier, apparently. Try it. Ashley was was cut – her arms looked like that of a steal worker and abs were hard and defined with an inked butterfly splayed across them. Sue and I simultaneously sucked in our baby pouches.

First lesson was the three main hand positions. Make a mitt with fingers close together and thumb outstretched. Grab the pole above your head for position #1. Even with your head for position #2 and at your hip for #3. She turned the music on and “Big Spender” played as we gyrated our hips and got back on our toes. We moved to position #1 and did the “sexy cat walk”around the pole. Lift your legs high like you are riding a bike and push your hips out on the way down. The pole actually rotates with you which makes it a little easier to make great big sexy circles. The wall of mirrors was becoming a problem, though.

The next move was the “chair.” Arm in position #1. Sexy walk around the pole to a count of seven then bring the other arm to #2 and lift your legs to a seated position while swinging around the pole. Doesn't that sound easy? Suddenly, I felt like 300 lbs of dead weight – how did I get so heavy? And the circulating around the pole made me want to puke! This is hard! Back on your toes, sexy walk to seven, lift, swing, point your toes! OMG STOP! The room was spinning! Sue was on the floor laughing, Ashley was telling us how good we were doing and how we should definitely think about taking more classes.

Next we had to learn the Ballerina: Sexy walk to seven, leg perpendicular to the pole, wrap your knee around it, position #1, position #2, swing, head back, smile, heavy, dizzy, fingers slipping, falling...hands are burning!

Now the fireman position. We are not contortionists which made this more difficult than pretending to be ballerinas. Arm snakes around the pole as does the thigh, loop foot around bottom of pole as you swing, head back, NO! What? Show me again. Slower, one more time.

Ashley said we were her best students and it was time to put it all together 5, 6, 7, 8, walk, #1, chair, toes, ballerina, walk, toes, sexy, fireman, twirl...Ashley was now upside down halfway up the pole as Sue and I were still picking ourselves up from falling off our imaginary sexy chairs. Where does my thigh go for fireman? Which hand for ballerina? It was hopeless – hands burning, bodies getting heavier, and so so dizzy. I prayed that the 50 minutes were up and we didn't have to learn about astronauts or try to go upside down. I really was hoping for that on the way over but now I knew it meant a certain phone call to my emergency contact if we so much as attempted it.

Sue and I took some pictures, grabbed a t-shirt and hat and ran out before our parking went to another hour or smooth-talkin Ashley could get us to sign up for the advanced level. We sat in the car for a moment numb and nauseas and surprised that we had just endured such a grueling workout when we thought we'd just be learning a few knew household tricks. We also realized that there would be no opportunity to showcase our new skills or practice and perfect the fireman. So, I guess our pole dancing days started and ended all in the course of 2 hours.

I think if it wasn't for my incredible inability to keep from getting nauseas when I even watch someone twirl, I would consider Pole Dancing as an excellent way to regain my upper body strength. I lost it all after having shoulder surgery from a ski accident a few years ago. I would love to have arms like Ashley but, luckily, there are no pole classes in Berkshire County – I'll have to stick with Zumba for now.

We drove home with grins and giggles, glad we did it but knowing that we would probably never go back or ever be able to show our stuff (you should all be grateful). Therefore, it will remain a moment in time between two old friends and another 50x50 mission accomplished. So, the only thing left to do after an intense workout like that was to head over to Harry's Famous Drive-In in Colchester for the best burgers and fries served road side!