#7 - SHS Mini Band Reunion - July 10

High School can be a drag for lots of kids and the beginning of blossoming for others. For me, I think it would have been a daily torture if not for being in the band. The unique thing about band is that it spans all grades, it is mostly non-competitive, has students of all body types and scholastic levels, and meets almost every day as well as some nights and weekends. It is almost impossible to spend that much time with people over as many as 9 school years and not form some strong and lasting bonds.

Two of my older brothers started saxophone when they were in elementary school. By the time Dan got to high school, he was allowed to use a school instrument and I was able to pick up the old silver Buescher and became hooked from day one.

The truth is that band was (and is for the most part) really awful during elementary and junior high. Kids start and drop like crazy, you meet for a limited time, and you all just sound horrible. In junior high, we met before school twice a week. It took stamina and desire to keep playing. I think if I hadn't been motivated by seeing my brother Dan's high school band concert and understood the eventual outcome, I may not have been able to sustain. I loved going 'back stage' and meeting the 'musicians' and couldn't wait to be playing with some of them.

Our high school band director, Al Tinkham, was a pretty good guy unless we pushed his buttons to the point of making him throw his baton across the room. He had a good sense for picking music that the audience enjoyed and was the right mix of challenge for his students.

Somewhere between Jr and Sr high, I met Pam C (clarinet). We eventually became joined at the hip and were known around school as a set more so than as individuals. We began adding ‘players’ to our core ensemble: Tom (trumpet), Dave (trumpet), Julie (flute), Carolyn (flute), another Pam (sax), Phil (trumpet), Tony (sax), Maury (flute), and so on. When you have to play parades in crazy layered wool and leather outfits, ride busses packed with kids and large instruments, march behind horses, and sit in the freezing cold at football games to play “Star Spangled Banner,” you have no choice but to be silly, laugh at it all, and create stories for a lifetime.

When Pam invited me to a high school reunion of people connecting on Facebook, we simultaneously thought it would be great to see who we could get from our band to join us. We found Tom in Maine and Dave still in RI but Carolyn was on tour with the Pat Methany band! During the days leading up to the reunion, we all perused our past and scanned and sent pictures from the good old days to each other. It was lots of fun and allowed us to remember things we had all but forgotten.
In this picture: Marianne, Pam, Tom, Dave

On the morning of the reunion, I took an extra long shower since Truman had been sprayed by a skunk the night before and I was sure I smelled. I made my way to RI in a steady sheet of pelting rain and sluggish traffic wondering if this was actually going to happen. Two missed exits and several phone calls finally got me to Pam's house where we went directly to Friendly's to begin our reunion with Tom over a trio of patty melts. We caught up on family and looked through photo albums and yearbooks to study-up for the evening.

In this picture: Mike, Pam, Maury, Tom, Marianne, Dave

Walking into a school reunion after more than 30 years is a somewhat surreal experience. You look at the faces as you walk by but your brain can't process fast enough so you awkwardly scan to the chest where the name tag inevitably was placed and try to make out a name. Did that help? Not always. Do they recognize me and think I am a snob for continuing by? Finally someone yells “Marianne!!” And I know it is Tammy without checking her name – I even knew her husbands name: win-win. After hugs and chatter, we made our way to the back of the bar where our band of bandies had made camp. I hoped I didn't smell like skunk. That is where we found Dave – 30 years later.

He was definitely not that tall in high school. More hugs and memories to share. So many stories were forgotten but when you are with the people in them, they come back. About 10pm we ordered up some greasy snacks and laughed about Tom still being accident prone, Dave coming from a perfect family and raising a perfect family as we had all thought he would, how Pam attracted all the boys but swatted them away like flys, and how I always instigated trouble. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

In this picture: Pam, Tom, Marianne, Dave, Mike, Lusine

The next morning, Pam and I went back to the yearbooks to look up names and marvel at how there was no way that could be the same person! We dressed and drove to Dave's for a cookout and met his perfect wife and perfect kids. Tom and Dave's best pal from high school, Mike, and his beautiful little daughter Lusine also joined us. We got to tell the stories again to his family and each time, a few more details were remembered and added.

I knew these people so well yet I didn't know them at all. Strangers in a way that I felt completely at home with. I didn't want to leave because even though I had forgotten so many details of our past, I clearly remembered that we were all great friends and shared so many laughs, and sometimes tears, together. And it seemed enough just to know that.

I sure hope we don't wait 30 years to do this again!